Gimpy Stoddard fat and fierce
friendly like a bear
pulled a driver from his car
and held him in the air
He rode a big fat shovel
he walked with a bad limp
his face skin looked like leather
his friends all called him Gimp
He wasn't a 1 percenter
a citizen or a Cop
he didn't like snooty frumpees
or jobs that involved a mop
Gimpy dint like beepin fools
and quirks that couldn't drive...
sometimes when he shared a lesson
he really stirred the hive
he once grabbed Bradly Fenator
shook him like a stick
Gimpy said, "learn to drive,
you stupid little prick."
Ruffled Bradley called the coppers
they hunted Gimpy down.
They asked him many questions
bout throwin Bradley round
Gimpy answered quick and sure
"his mind ain't on the road
I tried to wake him up abit
but no-one done got throwed."
You pulled him threw the sunroof
you shook him round and round
and when you were all done with him
you throwed him to the ground
It's true ole gimp admitted
"I pulled him thru the top,
I tole him at the stop signs
You really oughta stop"
"I esplained heeda got a ticket
if I had been a cop
and set him down quite gently
but his body went kerplop"
The coppers wern't convinced
they cuffed up Gimpy's wrists
started reading rights and stuff
and checking little lists
His rap-sheet came thru in static
it was really quite a batch
the tinstars were high fivin
they were proudful of their catch
there was assault with a weapon
in 69 and again in 73
disturbin the quiet , incitin a riot
and speeding a time or three
failing to stop failing to yeild
failing to be just right
handlebars were too high
and pipes too loud at night
they spouted important radio stuff
and talked in winks and hints
They took him to the lock up
they stole his fingerprints
they left him in a hole all nite
they took his belt and things
they took his dough they took his keys
they even took his rings
he sat all night with wife beaters
with burglars and with drunks
he decided to keep a close eye
on two steroid pumped up punks
In the morning the Jailhouse blue
shuffled him b'fore the judge
hair all awry, pants fallen down
shackled so he could hardly Budge
Mr. Stoddard it looks to me, harumpf...
that you're the habitual sort ..
can't follow the rules, can't walk the line
can't stay out of court
We will rid the world of your kind
If I become senator
30 days or one thousand dollars
said the stern judge Fenator
Gimpy winked at the judge
he gave him a gap toothed grin
then he flicked four fingers
from b'neath a bearded chin
Judge he said you got the power
and we all know why we're here,
to watch you fix and rule your world
with not justice...but with fear
I accept your fine in dollars
and your ole harsh sentence too,
but if you really want to save some folks
here's somethin you can do
take yer mamas boy Bradley
and tell him to stay alive...
Then take away his car keys
til he's sharp enough to drive
Gimpy Stoddard fat and feirce
friendly like a bear
now he's doin ninety days
for waivin one finger in the air